Alas, poor Mike!

  My bay tree has died.  I did all I could but the roots were too far gone.  I'm still determined to have a potted bay in my garden however, so my next Laurus project (next Spring) will be Stan.  Are you keeping up with the cinematic references here?  Stan will be a cluster of baby laurels in a large Dutch planter with a bunch of bamboo arranged in a cone.

Poor sod :(

  I love a functional garden, utility is a beautiful thing, but sometimes the beauty of a thing can extend beyond mere usefulness; a thing which has both aesthetic value and practical value is truly a joy in so small a garden.  I set out to use part of my garden to help feed my family while still providing recreational space - so far so good - but the more I look at it the more I think it'd be even better if I worked a few flourishes in.  So I'll add a frame of jasmine here, a dash of gravel or bark there.  Maybe work in some bright ground cover plants between the fruit, maybe plants that nourish the soil, some borage, some marigolds.

  So as part of the works on the house and grounds the housing association plan to change the front fence and rip out the buddleia stump and remaining brambles.  Grand, grand, but I grow Rosemary by the front gate, so I've dug it out and potted it for now.  That's Rosmarinus officinalis.  You gotta get the officinal stuff, made by kids in the officinal Indonesian sweatshop, else you could end up with any old crap that falls apart.  You might even be sold a baby Tarragon!  Never buy herbs in a poke.  Or I might possibly be thinking of trainers...

Lastly then, I'm starting work on the North border.  It'll take up the last foot of the lawn, but grass doesn't grow there anyway.  I'll be growing things like Tarragon, Bergamot and Jasmine, but also Ericas to encourage pollinators.  Maybe some Rosemary at the edges to shrub it out and gently discourage pets from legging it across the bed.  Ah well.  Here are the first nineteen plants to go in:

Yes, that's half a dozen Coleus in there.  They don't do anything but look pretty and cover ground, but this Summer I have a lot of time for things which look pretty and cover ground.  But for now, we dig!

Fighting the Ap-ocalypse

Tweet it, Facebook it, spread the word.

In Pictures: Getting organised!

More odd maths

Bear with me on this one...

If you divide A by B and then times the result by B you end up back at A.  Same score if you times first and then divide.

(AxB) ÷ B = A

(A÷B) x B = A

You can do the same with plus and minus.

A - B + B = A

A + B - B + A

At this point I'm plugging Swedish pop music, so I'm going to swap out the B for an altogether bigger number: ∞, or infinity.  Now if you divide a number by infinity then the resultant fragments of that number are infinitely small (1x10^-∞), but there are an infinite number of them.  Recombining an infinite number of any number, however small, results in infinity.

A ÷ ∞ x ∞ = ∞, not A!

A x ∞ ÷ ∞ = ?

If ∞ is divided by ∞, do we get ∞ or 1?  Either way, unless A = 1 we don't end up back at A.

Now addition.  A + ∞ = ∞.  Playground hyperbole notwithstanding, there is no such number as infinity plus a thousand.

A - ∞ + ∞ = ∞

A + ∞ - ∞ = ?

Again, if infinity is subtracted from infinity then we end up with either infinity or nothing, depending who you ask.  The point is this:

if A ÷ B x B = A,

and A ÷ ∞ x ∞ = ∞,

then A = ∞!  All numbers, following this mathematical quirk, equal zero, one, and infinity, all at the same time!  Small wonder those three numbers are so special in maths.  All numbers are infinite and all numbers are nothing, rendering maths both fundamentally important and fundamentally impossible all at once.  The universe and nature all run on the power of numbers, but the numbers themselves are irrelevant at this level.  They exist and yet do not exist.

This would be a fabulous time to experiment with LSD.

Boi-oi-oing!

Spring is springing!  My crops are well on the grow.

Spuds:

Strawbs: 

TINY BABY LEEKS; SQUEE!!!

Last year I planted a Jasmine at the foot of the arbour.  I read up on it before I planted it, so I knew it died back in the Winter, but I didn't realise just how much it dies back!  All the leaves fell off and the vines shrank and turned a very dark green.  I was convinced by March that it had died.  I thought "crap, I'm gonna have to dig this one out, amend the soil and go buy a new one".  Then just as I was contemplating doing the work we had the first hot sun of the year and the Jasmine burst into life, grew half a foot and sprouted a mass of leaves in less than a week!  Now it looks like this: 

I fully expect that Jasmine to be a further foot taller come the Autumn.  Also in Spring news, my lawn received its annual infestation of weeds.  This year however I used a weed knife and cleared half the lawn in a few hours.  I really must recommend a weed knife.  Compared with a hand fork it takes a third the time, a quarter the effort, and leaves the grass minimally damaged; whilst hand-forking is hard, long, sweaty labour that leaves your lawn looking like it lost a fight with a platoon of moles.  Seriously, get a weed knife.  Best tenner ever spent!

So yeah, all in all I'd say there's no overstating the boon that a little sunshine can bring to my garden.  And of course as soon as there's hot sun on the grass you'll catch Bill outside, shedding his Winter stoicism in favour of his Summer friskiness!  

Until next time xx

I have invented something amazing!

After much tinkering, I reckon this is the ideal mix for a Baileys Malt:

Into a blender add

• 1/3 of a tub of ice cream, 
• 1/2 a bottle of baileys, 
• 4dsp ovaltine, 
• 2dsp cocoa powder, 
• 1tsp vanilla bean paste, 
• milk up to the max line.  

Whiz it up until smooth and serve ice cold.  The genius thing is that it lines your stomach and gets you pissed at the same time!  I've had two and a half mugs today.  Big mugs.  I should probably sit down now :)

The State of the Garden Address

Here's where we are just now.  I've put in the sage bed, clockwise from back left: purple sage, common sage, tricolour sage, Icterina sage.  

My lemon thyme turned out to be common thyme.  I got it from amidst the lemon thyme and the label said 
"[£1.99]mon Thyme", so I assumed it to be like its neighbours.  Ah well.  I picked up a variegated lemon thyme today and put it in the centre of the thyme bed.  

That'll teach me to not buy a pig in a poke!  

I've planted up bed 3.  There's two frames of bamboo and wire in there.  The one nearest the trellis is growing runner beans (Wisley Magic) and the one nearest the lawn is growing sugar snap peas (Sugar Ann).  

And the lawn is thickening up a treat.  It'll need a mowing and a third seeding to make it ready for the Summer, but imperfect as it is it's still a joy to walk barefoot on after all those stones and nettles.

Approved by Bill!  

In other news: at the bar last night we had a gap between doors and the first DJ showing up, so I got up and DJed for half an hour.  When I DJ I tend to write my set down as I go along.  I got near the end, looked back over what I'd played and realised "shit, I've been watching too much of the news!"  Take a look and see if you can see what I mean:  

Jam - Eton Rifles, 
REM - End Of The World As We Know It, 
Cranberries - Zombie, 
Prodigy - Firestarter, 
Manics - If You Tolerate This, 
Clash - Rock The Casbah, 
Chumbawumba - Tubthumping, 
Alice Cooper - Poison, 
Skunk Anansie - I went to play Hedonism but the disc was bad, so I played Weak.

Dude!

And I reckon I'm starting college in October, if I can get this bloody paperwork squared away.  

Later :)